It's hard...

Over the last 2 days, my mind has been bombarded with situations which I can hardly take. It's just hard for me. Especially to cope with a rather "broken and shatter into pieces" of a 2 year relationship with my beloved.

To me this relationship is still hanging on to it's last and final breaths of life and I am trying very hard and doing all I can to save this beautiful relationship of 2 years. It was just in a matter of seconds what was seen as a beautiful relationship all the time and then everything just turned upside down with every little thing I've built up with her all these 2 years together was sent tumbling down just like a landslide.

Shattered, every single part of it was shatter into pieces and I am picking up all those broken parts and trying to patch them up again. It's painful for me to do it because it's nothing more like a bunch of broken glass which I am picking up which cuts me every time I touch it and try to put them back to where they were supposed to be.

All the hopes, all the dreams, and all those good times we had together are now all gone. What is left is just a memory and nothing more than that. What this memories do makes me weep in tears every single time I have those flashback of all the good and bad times we have been together.

All these has been broken down into bits all because of one person -me- and I have crushed them into this bits. All because of one very very selfish and silly act which I've done which has led to her deciding to end this relationship.

Yes I admit, of late, we have been going through a lot of hard times both me and her, especially me. I haven't been doing well in my academics which has land me an amount of tremendous pressure and stress. I admit that it's my fault to let my pressure onto her at time in which I didn't mean to. I do admit that I am being overly concerned for her until I restrict her in her freedom to do what she wants, where she wants to go and and who she mixes with. I admit that I am being over-protective, over- possessive, over- controlling her and many more. All my bad behaviors are seeping into my relationship with her and it's tearing us apart. All the problem lies on me and all these problems came from me and went into my relationship which has caused such a drastic outcome.

Right on that day everything which was going on so well between the two of us until this whole relationship took a detour, on that very moment I spoke to her on the phone, I was thinking nothing but her and this relationship. What I've actually studied in class during my lecturers just didn't get into my head and all those formulae which I've learned before just went out of my brain. All I've in my mind was just her and this beautiful relationship we had for the past 2 years. Nothing else was in my little mind. I never thought that I would've actually successfully made it all the way from campus to her home which was quite some 50-60kilometers away and begged her to forgive me and give this relationship a chance with promises and assurance that I'll never be the same as before. I begged and begged and begged her with all my heart and soul kneeling in front of her. I was mentally crying, emotionally crying and my heart was crying so much that all I said throughout that time was "Sorry, please don't leave me. Please give this relationship a chance. I promise to change as long I can keep you with me". It was really painful from my physical strength to my mental and emotional strength, I could hardly utter any other words from my mouth as I wasn't thinking of anything else other than this relationship and especially of her.

What was important that time wasn't myself anymore or anything regarding myself, but what matters most was her. Nothing else.

From the time she told me she wanted to end this relationship with me, it was written all over her, all over her MSN, all over her Facebook. People saw it and most of all those people whom didn't like me cheer in plight that it has finally come to and end with her. I knew many of her friends didn't like me in her life and in her presence. They just acted being nice to me and backstabbing me behind my back. I know all all along from the very time we got together.

I know I am a bad bad bad boyfriend and I don't deserve her as well as a second chance from her. But despite all those I do not want to give up on her yet and I would never want to give up on her. I know that I can be a better person each and everyday because of her. She has brought me a whole lot of changes in my life. She brings a new chapter in my life each and every day, every hour, every minute and every second. No one has done so much for me and no one has been together with me to go through all the good and bad times with me. I have never been so madly and deeply in love with one girl before and I've never gone to the extend to make a long and difficult yet in a emotionally challenged just to beg for her forgiveness and acceptance once again.

I really want her back in my life. I really need her back in my life. We have done so much together and gone through so much together, can there be another chance this relationship can go on with a fresh start?

I am begging you please Bea, don't leave me alone. You are a missing puzzle in my art puzzle. You complete me and you complete my little life. You bring a whole new meaning my life every now and then. Please I am begging you please don't leave me. You are the shining star upon my life. You gave me hope, you gave me strength and you gave me courage to love you better each day we are together. You're all that I've ever got and the best that I've ever got! You are the greatest gift God has given me and I do not want to lose you. Please come back to me please sweetheart? I am begging you! Please don't leave me! I need you very much!!!

PLEASE!!!
PLEASE!!!